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Thursday, January 05, 2006

Mean Jean Schmidt in the Spotlight



Big thanks to reader Froggermarch for this great update on the meeting with Mean Jean Schmidt.
Mean Jean Has Her First Hometown "Coffee"

or

Bride of Prometheus Unbound

Let me set the scene (and what a scene it was):

First and foremost, there was no power in Loveland, Ohio last night. Try that on metaphorically first. The night Mean Jean came home to meet her neighbors as US Representative from the 2nd District, Ohio, THE LAND called LOVE lost its power!

As a practical matter, the power loss seemed to be caused by an overload from the regeneration efforts required to animate her.

Jean seemed unaware--comfortable, even--of the darkness that suronded her. Other than her cries for "More Power," which I took to be a political statement, she went about her business as if nothing was at all amiss. I think her senses are heightened when the sun goes down.

"Children of the night," she opened. "Come to me!' Well that's what I heard, anyway.

But here is the image of the century: Jean took a flashlight--swear to God--and pointed it toward...her ...face.

AAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!

Holy shit, I thought. It IS a druid ceremony! Over 100 people (I'm pretty sure that's what they were, although their skin was VERY white) shrouded in darkness with the only lights in the room the ones that said "Exit" and the one on Jean's face.

And she jumped right in, openng with a passionate defense of the 5th Amendment in a local case of eminent domain. It seems she cares so much about the Constitution she carries it proudly in her purse, though she couldn't quite fetch it out, crumpled as it was amongst the snot-filled tissues, GOP marching orders and diarhetics piled in there.

After her opening incantations...eye of newt for the economy, wool of bat for the dirty, dirty immigrants who may eventually find Ohio...she took questions. (By this time the local heat had brought in a couple of back lights, so we could see one another. I noticed her shadow moved even when she stood still.)

The questions were remarkably balanced and sincere, save for a couple on our side who lobbed truths loudly--("liar", "Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11" that sort of thing) ,who were consumed by the minor demons around them, and a couple of wingnuts on their side who thanked her for what they seemed to think was a proper, if restrained commupance to Congressman Murtha. On that, she smiled the smile of evil.

The first guy asked about Social Security and the second guy asked about Social Security again, cuz her response to the first guy was, well, not one. the problem there, she explained was (you knew it, didn't you) THE MEDIA. It SCARED the poor little Republicans controlling both Houses of Congress and the Executive branch.

Iraq? Well she knows much more about the incredibly complex dynamics of the three factions and their subfactions than she could ever convey to our little minds, but suffice to say there are "normal" people and terrorists and she's against terrorists. Wow, thanks. That cleared that up a lot for me.

To other questions, she gets mad at the Senate for putting foodstamps back in the budget bill --"Both legal and illegal immigrants were getting those foodstamps"--she defended her former campaign manager against rumors at the church, grocery store and blogosphere of his dallliance in hitting women, and she begged off of a question aksing if we would leave should the new Iraqi government ask us to ("I'm not the President" she said, ingraining the phrase Hobson's Choice into my forehead). Oh, and Abramoff is a bad guy (the questioner had to repeat he was actually asking her to comment on her fellow Congresspersons behavior) who worked BOTH sides of the aisles.

At one point she called on an apparantly sypathetic blond-haired, conservatively -dressed cornfed Ohio man who asked a question that seemed to intrigue her: "I'm troubled," he said, "By this unwarrented wiretapping program not just because of the Fourth and Second and First Amendment issues it raises but because the bad guys might get off on a technicality. That this might actually be aiding our enemies and my question is what, if any, do you believe are the limits of Presidential power in wartime and what is you duty as a member of Congress if those limits have been exceeded?"

"Wow!" she said after a new moon phase had come and gone, "that's a big question...privacy rights...(she seemed to cock her head for better reception)...we're at war...suspending the Constitution is sometimes necessary...if someone is going to attack us, we shoud know that and go after them..." To which she received some applause. (RH: emphasis mine)

And I plunged back into the night to greet my fdl companion who must now protect her secret identity so her family is not taken hostage or tortured. Together we re-entered the light. Before they added toe of frog to the cauldron.
Hat tip to Froggermarch and Karen Allen for braving the sight of Mean Jean (a second time!) and her flashlight. Good on ya!

UPDATE: Thanks to reader Redshift for catching the "suspending the Constitution" bit. I was laughing too hard on my first read through for it to sink in, but if Mean Jean said this she ought to be beaten about the head with her snotty-kleenex covered copy of the Constitution. You have to actually read it, not just carry it around as a prop, moron Jean. Froggermarch says in the comments that a reporter for the Cincinnati Enquirer was there with a tape recorder. Hopefully we can track down an exact quote.

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