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Thursday, May 05, 2005

That's What I Get For Reading Roger Ailes

One of my daily stops in the blogosphere is Roger Ailes, who had a post last Friday on The Fifteenth Column, where he admitted he was "sworn to secrecy" about why he was asking but wanted to know everyone's favorite right-wing nutjob columnists. I of course chimed in with The Virgin Ben. I also noted in the comments section that whoever had solicited Roger's opinion had also invited that of Norbizness, who had no interest in participating.

Imagine how happy I am on Monday when I get an email from this guy John Hawkins of Right Wing News asking me to take part in the same survey of lefty bloggers! Oh man, I am certain I have made the big time now, I am right up there with the A-listers! Thanks to the likes of Norbizness they had to make their way down to the C-List, and that's me but I don't care, I'm just so thrilled to be nominated. So I go over to Roger's blog again, look over the list of everyone's suggestions, and decide to give the most weight to the truly dangerous, next to the bug-house crazy, and round it off with the just plain craven.

Novak? He's gotta be on top. Peg-a-loon? Oh, she deserves a spot. John Fund? Twat. I actually wound up taking The Virgin Ben off, because I wasn't able to find anything he'd written recently. I think TBogg put him out of business. So I quickly dashed off my list to Mr. Hawkins and looked anxiously forward to the list on Thursday morning, to see how my votes tallied with others:

1 Robert Novak
2 Jonah Goldberg
3 Ann Coulter
4 Kaye Grogan
5 Peggy Noonen
6 John Fund
7 Charles Krauthammer
8 David Brooks
9 Michelle Malkin
10 George Will
11 William Kristol
12 David Horowitz
13 Kate O'Beirne
14 Brent Bozell
15 Armstrong Williams

Now it's Thursday morning and I'm really excited and I go to the site, where I'm sitting amongst A-list company like Seeing the Forest, Jesus' General, Mahablog and the Agonist. Woo hoo! I've arrived. Then I look at the list:

14) Gene Lyons (10)
12) David Broder (11)
12) Arianna Huffington (11) -- 1
10) David Corn (13)
10) Eric Alterman (13)
9) Christopher Hitchens (16) -- 2
8) Bob Herbert (17) -- 1
7) Maureen Dowd (23)
6) Michael Kinsley (24) -- 3
5) Frank Rich (31) -- 2
4) E.J. Dionne Jr. (33) -- 1
3) Molly Ivins (36) -- 3
2) Joe Conason (38) -- 2
1) Paul Krugman (65) -- 12

And I'm like, oh fuck. I chase back to the email (which I obviously never read) and they're asking for "favorite columnists." Period. The guy must think I'm just being a dick, so I send him an apology note, and he writes me back saying "I did think your selections were a bit odd."

And you want to know the truly pathetic part? I have no idea who half these people are. Wing-nut lunatics howling at the moon? I'm all over it. Well-heeled, articulate defenders of the faith? Uhhh...not so knowledgeable.

Well in all truth it's an honest list, because I'd much rather read about Peg'o'lies giving a spontaneous knuckle job to the Pope than just about anything. Note to Roger: I think this kind of abject fuck-up and barking stupidity should earn me a spot on the Enemies List, don't you? If I have to wait until I come up with something brilliant, it's going to be a while.

Update: YES!!!! Via Roger, I'm now on the Enemies List! WOO HOO!!! I think it's only appropriate that I made it there doing what I do best.