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Thursday, July 28, 2005

I Want To Be a Happy Happy Republican

Bill Frist must be a master of poetic irony. He fell 10 votes short on cloture that would have stopped the REPUBLICAN amendment by McCain, Graham and Warner to the defense authorization bill which would have restricted the use of torture. The entire bill will not be taken up again until September. Meanwhile, over at the Washington Note, we are told what the troops will have to do without so Preznit Hole Smoker can keep pissing in the air vents:
The Defense Authorization bill contains, oh lets see...provisions or amendments to provide more funds to war widows and orphans, up-armor for Humvees, support for the Boy Scouts of America, better health care for our veterans, chemical weapons destruction, help for families of deployed soldiers. I could go on and on. You name the item important to the nation's security the Defense Authorization contains it.
And what piece of nasty legislation did Frist slot into its place? Why the one protecting gun manufacturers from product liability. 'Cos they're kinda like the obstetricians of war, only not:
And linking the bill to the war in Iraq, Frist said that Beretta, the manufacturer of pistols to U.S. forces in Iraq, warned that it may go bankrupt if the lawsuits are not stopped.

"These frivolous suits threaten a domestic industry that is critical to our national defense," Frist said. "Given the profusion of litigation, the Department of Defense faces the very real prospect of outsourcing sidearms for our soldiers to foreign manufacturers."
I was kind of worried about people who are being asked to go to Iraq and you know, like, die, because nobody over there has been complaining about a shortage of Berettas, but there sure has been some noise about inadequate armor, health care, etc. But I took solace in the words of Republican Congressional candidate Jean Schmidt, who as President of Cincinnati Right to Life must be an expert on these things. She certainly knows more about what's important in this country than her opponent, Iraq war veteran Paul Hackett:
NOVOTNY: His opponent, Republican frontrunner Jean Schmidt, a former state representative who is not convinced that time served in battle can compare to experience at home.

JEAN SCHMIDT, OHIO REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE: Everything’s local. Of course, it’s more important here. The issues that the people have are more important to those individuals than anything outside of that region.
See if I become a Republican for the day it'll be so much cheerier. We don't have to think about nasty Iraq, we can just lie down on a comfy mountain of cash and spread our legs for Smith & Wesson.

'Cos the old me would've said you're gonna wear that one around your neck like an anvil, bitch. The new me can just go shopping for handbags at Gucci's.

Update: I fell off the wagon in less than 45 minutes. Five days to go, Schmidt is tanking, Hackett is within 5 points and the thought of all those grassroots volunteers going door to door in a heavily Republican district simply got the best of me -- so I gave some money to Hackett (*sigh*). I know, I know it's pathetic. No Gucci bag for Jane.