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Saturday, January 22, 2005

You love 'em, you...well, you probably mostly just hate 'em

The Beast magazine has released its list of the 50 Most Loathsome People in America. Some of our favorites:

Alan Colmes

An angry conservative’s wet dream: an effete liberal dive artist. As a professional doormat, Colmes’ only tasks are to serve as a comforting aggregate of Republican stereotypes about Democrats and a target for the seething derision of his psychotic guests. Stands idly by while voracious green-blooded co-host utilizes Gestapo tactics against centrist Democrats.

Smoking Gun: His cringe-inducing new book reads like a crappy internet parody ("I'm proud to be a liberal. In my spare time I hug trees. I'd rather hug a tree than embrace a tax cut… Ever try to hug a tax rebate check? Bark burn is so much more pleasant than paper cuts.")

Punishment: Suffocated under a naked, sweaty Rush Limbaugh.

Tom Delay

The worst Congressman alive. Being the most corrupt member of the House is a hell of an achievement. Delay is so brazen even lobbyists have expressed reservations. Compares the pathetic, castrated EPA to the Gestapo. A self-obsessed misanthrope in the guise of a Christian.

Smoking Gun: According to Danny Yatom, former head of Israel’s feared Mossad: "The Likud is nothing compared to this guy."

Punishment: Outed by Barney Frank.

Nicole Ritchie

Wasting space in our minds. Not being pretty, talented or interesting, yet expecting people beyond her family to pay attention to her. Further indoctrinating teenage girls with the poisonous idea that if they just act like obnoxious, spoiled bitches they will somehow never have to work.

Smoking Gun: Made 27 on Maxim’s Hot 100 for standing next to national disgrace Paris Hilton for a year.

Punishment: 10-page pictorial in Stuff sans airbrushing, and no Oxycontin for a whole week.

I don't know how Ann Coulter only made it up to 50 (irrelevance?), but I thought Donald Rumsfeld's punishment particularly apt: Abu Ghraib.