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Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Viagra Pen and the Non-Speaking Spokesman



"The spokesman for Mr. Fitzgerald, Randall Sanborn, refused to comment." I can't tell you how many times I've read that line. Every time I open a paper, it seems. And I'm always thinking, I want this guy's job -- he could be phoning it in from the high Himalayas for all we know.

So when I called him up the other day I expected the same thing. Since I'm working on a post on Fitzgerald, I had to do the obligatory request for an interview, which I knew he'd turn down, which he did.

"One more thing," I said. "I'd like to know if you could confirm the Viagra pen story."

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.

"Refresh my memory," he said.

I said I was told that Mr. Fitzgerald likes to wave a pen around in his press conferences, and that someone planted a Viagra pen in the green room prior to one of them. He picked it up and spent the entire press conference waving it around like -- well, like a Viagra pen.

Silence.

"I will confirm that Pat has been seen on occasion holding a pen."

"Okay," I said. "I've also heard that you now regularly sweep the green room for pens."

More silence. Then finally:

"I'm tempted to say something sarcastic..."

Come on, Randall, you can do it, come on...I know you've got it in you...all those pent up comments from all those years of "no comment"...

"...but I'm a non-speaking spokesman. I've got to stick to my reputation," he laughed.

Damn!

"I will confirm that it's been a while since I've seen him with a pen or any other sharp object."

Okay, Randall. Well, that's more than anyone else has gotten out of you in two years.

We may be hearing more soon. I spoke with a veteran Washington insider last night (at 12:30 in the morning, no less) who indicated that even if there are no indictments coming down this week, we'll probably see some sort of statement from Fitzgerald. The nation is all wound up for a Friday deadline, and the source speculated that the good will Fitzgerald had engendered would be compromised if nothing was forthcoming.

The source indicated we might see Fitzgerald on the courthouse lawn, giving a careful, general explanation of what is going on. "Prosecutors need legitimacy," said the source, who says that Fitzgerald might explain that since the testimony of the New York Times reporter was only recently forthcoming, and more information about what happened is coming down every day, his office needed time to follow it all up.

"I would hope that Fitzgerald would have just enough sensitivity to realize that he's got to be really careful and shouldn't piss people off," said the source, who indicated that a vacuum of silence would be likely to bring down a flurry of half-angry editorials that have heretofore been scant.

But let's be clear -- Fitzgerald has not been silent. His actions have spoken volumes. Showing up at Karl Rove's attorney's office was meant to publicly telegraph that Rove was still on the hook and keep the pressure up on him, and keep him from shifting all the public scrutiny onto Libby. Signing a new office lease was a big -- well, Viagra pen to those who have been chirping in the media that he might just fold up his tent and go home. It was a clear indication that indictments will most certainly be coming down and he is digging in for the long haul.

I have a feeling Mr. Sanborn's single-sentence job is about to get a lot more complex. And that we will speak again.

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