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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

More Proof of the Sad State of My Mental Health

jennifer lopez has been shot!!

This is most definitely in evidence with my newfound affection for English teacher Harry Hutton at Chase Me Ladies, I'm the Cavalry:
What do I do with the money I saved by not paying my taxes? It’s no good just having money; it’s a question of what one does with it. I pile it all up the bathtub, and roll around in it, howling with laughter.

I was going to give it to the poor, but then I thought fuck it.

UPDATE II! I don’t come out of this post terribly well, do I?
And this:
So I'm sitting in a restaurant in the north of Bogota. The soup is cold, but then life can be cold, can't it? Some of my old students walk in, and ask what does I do. I eating the dinner, I tell them.

They want to learn English swear words. One of the girls asks, "How to say [in sex] when you have finished?" The correct answer, of course, is "I have come." How unpleasant of me, therefore, to tell her that it is "I have clap."

She is going to Miami next month. If she meets an American boy she will say, "Yes, yes, I have clap!" just when he least expects it. Looking back on my life I would say that this is the achievement of which I am proudest.
There was one about waking up to find he'd had his ass tatooed with the sayings of Margaret Thatcher, but I can't find it now so you'll just have to look for it here.

I'm sorry but I find this all hysterically funny.