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Saturday, February 18, 2006

Late Nite FDL: Dickfest Semifinals, Night 3

Things are really heating up in this, the third night of the Dickfest semifinals. I've been noticing that people have been taking choice lines and rhymes from the entries and posting them around the blogosphere, which is fabulous. These fine poems deserve to be read far and wide. They bring every bit of honor upon to the Veep that he lends to the office.

Hope everybody caught Bill Maher last night, who is providing our grand prize material -- a copy of his book and a signed poster. So remember to vote by number and only once, the top three from each semifinal will move into the final round.
Said Dick to the rest of the crew,
I like hunting these peasants don't you? And imagining the poor on his foyer, he spun round and bagged an old lawyer. (201)

Is that a bird or is that a face I see?
Why is it they look the same to me?
Lest I be accused of being a hesitator.
I'll just shoot first and ask questions later. (202)

A manly man like Dick would surely
Not shoot his wad off prematurely. (203)

Cheney's got a gun....
Cheney's got a gun....
A long days' just begun
Fox News is the place to run (204)

torture some brown ones
ain't no disgrace
eat the farmed meat
shoot me some face (205)

And then forgot to tell the creep
That there's a maxim one must keep:
Don't ever, ever shoot the peop-le. (206)

Bushes are dumb,
Cheneys are sick,
But how could u shoot a poor man
you dumb Dick? (207)

Down in Dixie he had some Wiskey
quail in the bush, we may never know
Zocor, Plavix, Viox, coctail
Halliburton, Plame, WMD, Guantanamo
Remember the Alamo! (208)

Panderer, flatterer, hypocrite and a bad shot.
Satan and his architects are designing the new multi-story Cheney Ring, non-stop.
Lustful, wrathful, greedy and a glutton.
Big Time smiles as he finagles a no-bid contract in Hell for Halliburton. (209)

Dicklet, Prince of Texas
Behind the arras the old fool clucked.
The heir to the throne cried, "Now you're fucked!"
Then, "Damn!" he said. "Tis not the king!"
To catch Dicklet's conscience there is no thing. (210)

memo to Scooter:
you're next. (212)

When Dickie starts to get all blood-lusted
Everyone knows he shouldn’t be trusted
When he looked over his shoulder he knew
Harry had been raised domestically, too (213)

Shotguns and lawyers, Prime Minister Cheney
My tiresome subjects shall never arraign me
For we framed and hung a girl's blue dress
Done and burned Whit's blood-stained vest (214)

go take a bath
in a tub well filled
with the blood you spilled (215)

Bird News Daily: From an undisclosed location
The lone survivor of a bird massacre,
Mr. Quail, with a beebee still in his heart
Leaks the identity of the responsible drunk to Judith Miller (216)

"Executive Privilege"
"Shot an old man in the face"?
I expressed myself rather forcefully,
felt better after I had done it. (217)

Tell a lie, tell a lie, tell a lie onward, into the public domain, rode the sick pundits
And was there a man dismayed? Though they knew Cheney had drunkenly blundered?
Their’s was not to make reply, their’s was not wonder why, their’s was but to spin and lie
About Plame or the shooting, they spin while Bush plunders (218)

A Texas quail hunt.
An errant shot, then silence.
Fuck Yourself, public. (219)

Quail hunt, Harry shot.
Tell no one. Say not a word.
Good to be vice-King. (220)

Cheney shoots. Man down.
Drinking? Timeline? Cover up?
Ask, and you're "loony." (221)

Cheney. AKA
Darth. Go Fuck Yourself. Shooter.
Penguin. Big Time. Dick. (222)

sane, he? (223)

that man is like a god,
or as near to one as any republican can say;
that man, who blames you for standing in the way,
when he shoots at the setting sun. (224)

He who shoots and hides away
Lives to kill another day
Beware! (225)

My dick, my gun, the bombs that I control,
but who is left for me to fight? They run and hide in holes.
Let it be known that I have just begun,
to fuck, to shoot, to bomb to kingdom come. (226)

Hickory dickory dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
Dick Cheney shot a man in the face. (227)

i know why the caged bird sings.
the shot was sprayed another way,
she lives to sing another day. (228)

He's down
Blood like a fountain
A tragedy here
at BrokeDick Mountain (229)

A Friends Face Shootin
Americans I'm Screwin
Iraqs in Ruins
I'm Dick Cheney, Bitch (230)

Hail the Quail set free
Feathers fly a bird dies
Then drunk in bloody bath
Make a pack of lies (231)

North, South, East, & West
Points his gun at all of US
Dick shoots himself best. (232)

Sunny, with darkness encroaching
Quoth the rancher regarding that day
Dick's aim was the last flushed-out covey
He said Harry just got in the way. (233)

Dick Cheney
All Dick, no balls (234)

pheasants and quail and bob-o-link too
hope for a season
to hunt just you (235)

said dick to his secret security: "More beer! It's only 1:30!"
quail, duck or pheasant, our veep twas ne'er hesitant,
"Shit! Waddaya mean it's not the season on peasants?"
..dying democracy just isn't purdy. (236)

Stop the car!
Grab my gun!
Lawyer huntin's
Manly fun. (237)

They came from Wyoming and Texas, addicted to power and drink;
They bullied and lied, they tortured and spied till most folks were too scared to blink;
But when Scowl shot a hunter he thought was a bird and Swag let New Orleans drown,
Folks finally saw what these guys really were: a crusty old coot and a clown. (238)

If you can point your gun where wise men wouldn't
And shoot before you've noticed everyone,
You'll do a thing that all men know you shouldn't,
And, which is more, you'll be a dick, my son. (239)

Go fuck yourself
You sad old prick
Methinks your name
Is your only dick. (240)

While looking for birds
Big Dick he gave chase
But he shot one old lawyer
right in the face! (241)

Got an orange vest and a twenty eight,
I'm a quail hunter, I look great,
A great quail hunter, bird of prey,
Go ahead Harry, make my day. (242)

I am the mighty Dick- the Dick who rules all Dicks.
No Dick shall be placed before me.
He who dares to step into the Dicks path.
Will feel the fury of his mighty rod! (243)

Not the Biggest Donor
That We ever had
So shot him down in Texas
Out west of Baghdad (244)

So I shot a quail in Texas
Just to watch it die
but I bagged a Texas Lawyer
'cause I was H.U.I. (245)

He wondered if his shot did miss
As he was ogleing the Swiss
Did the V-P's conscience him did prick,
as it noted "I think you've got a Harry, Dick"? (246)

How will the Dick survive
Shot an old man who refused to die
Hoping the world swallows one more lie
How will the Dick survive (247)

You shot Harry in the face
A bloody gaffe, I'm thinking
"The lies! The shills, What political thrills!"
But Dick, are you still drinking? (248)

That fearsome hunt- oh, be certain
Shall never be forgot!
For Whittington's chest and face are hurtin',
After Dick took aim and shot. (249)

Fuck Ari, Peggy, Marlin
and cocksucking, pussyeatin' prankstas
got Matalin & my homeys @ Fox,
DAMN, it feels good t/b a gangsta (250)

everybody run,
Big Time's gotta gun,
now everybody swallow,
Brit's soft balls soon to follow (251)

An arrogant V. P. by the name of Cheney,
Shot a lawyer friend with an excuse quite lamey.
The only good that might ensue?
Is if the country wakes up and gives THIS tricky dicky his due. (252)

Little lead pellets
Fly to man-bird
At sunset
I had a bad day (253)

There once was a Veep from Halliburton
Who knew that his poll numbers were hurtin
As he turned on the shooter,he thought he saw Scooter
And prayed Plamegate was buried for certain. (254)

I couldn't find the weapons, or muzzle our secret spying
I couldn't pass my torture bill, and not from lack of trying
I couldn't drill in ANWR or keep Scooter out of jail
So I'll be damned if Harry's face was gonna keep me from my quail. (255)

"Just an accident," you say
In hopes that it will go away
The newsman says it's all ok
We are being lied to (256)

1 part Whittington
1 part Jack Daniels
Pepper lightly (257)

'Neath the brambles and the waning Texas sun
Lies a corporate lawyer whose blood does run
Red state of affairs, beer, affairs of the heart,
Caged coveys of Truth sing Bunker Boy's depart. (258)

When Bill Clinton lied about shooting someone in the face, he was impeached. Doesn't Dick Cheney deserve the same treatment? (259)

I don't know who you think you are
You sure don't know your place
Quit questioning Dick Cheney or
He'll shoot you in the face (260)

Although it is your
shaving grace
it won't do Dick for
birdshot face (261)

When hunting fowl with Big Time Dick,
One rule to remember should do the trick:
Accept your place as quail or duck on his shelf,
Take one in the face or go fuck yourself! (262)

Well, listen to my story bout a man named Dick
Though a chickenhawk he was, on the trigger he was quick
Then one day he was shooting for some quail
And out from the bush, there came a mighty wail. (263)

Come clean with the country he theoretically serves?
Notify the proper authorities?
When self-interest meets duty you can count on Big Dick
To always have other priorities. (264)

How so many got it wrong
Is the real mystery here
Cheney didn't miss the bird
It's called tort reform (265)

Our man Cheney,
Maybe not so brainy?
Got muddled on ale,
Mistook lawyer for quail.(266)

With a nod to the left, or a nod to the right
Lies ambidextrously
'bout the shootin' in the night (267)

(i do not know what it is about this story
that does not fit; only something in me understands
the account is deeper than all bullshit)
nobody, not even the veep, has such a big gun (268)

Oh, Big Time...
what have you done?
You have failed the party,
by leaving witnesses. (269)

There once was a veepster named Dick
First thought that his blast left a nick
Kept coppers away, For nearly a day
Republican Chappaquidick! (270)

Drunky McShootster grabbed him a gun,
"Drinkin' and shootin' sure is fun!
But these damn quail take too much of a chase,"
So he shot an old man in the heart and the face. (271)

If theshooter was lit
you must not acquit (272)

My ambassador girlfriend, a rifle, some beer
Ingredients for a fun day
Gonna bag me a bird (good thing Lynne isn't here)
But then Whittington gets in the way (273)

I shot the attorney. 'Cause he was standing where I could not see.
I shot the attorney. And I did not tell the deputy.
I shot the attorney. Now he may die because of my BB.
I shot the attorney. I'll just go cop a plea on Fox TV. (274)

Little Dick-uns' Iraq...the canned hunt
Yet he would say he's sorry boys, and promise us to pray,
For everyone who's been undone, in their long years--or in their flower;
But does he then call on those whose debts he knows do fear the light of day,
And within the halls of justice, contrive to keep his power? (275)

One night while I was hunting quail
The beer in me was getting stale
No matter, says I , I can always find
A hunting partner and blow his mind (276)

The lawyer, though peppered, has the finest of care
The rich shooter's safe in his rarified air
A poor circus for fools who watch and ignore
The lives being lost in a cruel unjust war. (277)

is it just me
or does anyone else see
that Iraq will now be
Cheney's insanity plea? (278)

I'm 78, white and male
I don't look a damn thing like a quail
My name is Harry Whittington
And I got a ride on Crashcart 1 (288)

Did Dick Cheney just...
Blast a Senior Citizen
with a Big Shotgun? (289)

All this talk of the ill-chosen quarry
does obscure a real news story,
our cardiac kid, the second in line
scarfing down barbeque as if his heart were fine! (290)

Oh Dick you tragic prick
we always knew you're just a hick.
Thanks to your huntin 'slip'
we may yet be free of your evil grip. (291)

His was a preemptive strike
To overthrow a vicious coo
No doubt who has the biggest Dick
America, its you (292)

Cheney was out on the firing line
Killing birds n' feelin' fine
Old Harry wasn't shot cuz he made no sound,
He was shot cuz the meadow kept spinnin' around. (293)

Cheney shot an old man down
But his pals do own that town
Of no investigation did we hear
Cheney - "It was just one beer!" (294)

Harry and Dick went up the hill, To shoot a flock of birdies
Dick shot Harry
At 5:50
And was dining by 6:30 (295)

Roses are picked
Violets are plucked
I'm Dick Cheney
You can get F***ed (296)

He drank he shot he hit, then hid and lied and stalled,
He was much to busy for the nice deputy who called.
For the chumps, the marks, the drones, that would be a day they’d rue,
But he is so rich, and great and good, so honorable, he can say “f*ck you.” (297)

He shot him in the face
He doesn't need a warrant
All for the sake of their base
Isn't it abhorrhent? (298)

They say the coverup's worse that the crime
Sorry fellas not this time
You talkin bout dead-eye Dick's drunken aim?
No, he outed Valerie Plame (299)

Cheney shot Harry. Harry ain't dead.
The truth in this tale ain't been said.
The life in this story, that Dick can't throttle,
Is how far down was he in that bottle? (300)
Thanks to all the people who devoted their time and poetic talents to this contest. And remember, as long as there is Republican rock, you are all winners.

(graphic by Jose G.)


Aw Look, Brady's Got a Friend

Amidst all the articulate lefties like Roger Ailes, Brad DeLong, David E. (happy birthday) and Paul Lukasiak whose non-"hate speech" comments now fill the reopened WaPo blog questioning the Post's ethics in any number of matters, there is one commenter who takes Brady's side. He says "let's hope the far left can contain themselves here" before going on to praise Richard Cohen's recent article dissuading girls from taking math. He even provides a helpful link to his blog, where we find the following:
The column goes straight after the cult of numbers that rules so much of the thinking in the left-wing wonk and chattering classes crowd. These are the people who attack Bush because of the budget deficit (as if we didn't have one under Clinton) and question the numbers behind Social Security privatization. The people who think that their number-crunching ability gives them greater wisdom than the guidance the president gets from a Higher Power.
Congratulations, Jim. Now you know why the people you've courted into some unimaginably hideous three-way -- Hugh Hewitt and Instahack (we won't even mention the Power Tools for fear of inducing projectile vomiting) -- don't have comments sections. Because these are the kind of people who show up, and frankly, it's embarrassing.

Steno Sue should've been fired after her stint as Ken Starr leak ho. She wasn't. (Oh I'm sorry, she hates that name and makes you delete the comments that mention it -- I guess we shouldn't offend and say "Sue Schmidt.") Now she steals the work of a dead man she refuses to acknowledge and uses her position to fuck up any kind of decent reporting on the Abramoff scandal in favor of whoring for the GOP. These are the readers the Post is now courting. This is your fan base. These are the minds that read a Deborah Howell column and say "bravo!"

These are your people now, Jim.

Assume the position.


More Cheney Fallout

Further to Redd's post on greymail this morning, I wanted to bring up another byproduct of a weakened Cheney that could affect the Libby trial.

As immanentize mentioned here in the comments not long ago, another aspect of the greymail defense is the fact that it draws attention to the activities of Libby's superiors:
What I see in this exchange is a little litigation strategy power struggle. Will it be full-bore grey mail -- which would mean that Libby would have to, in the end, be willing to implicate his "bosses" in many ways (Rove Cheney, Hadley?). What I mean by that is that grey mail forces the inspection, if not the production, of documents and leads which the prosecutor might not yet have. In the end, the prosecution might not be able to use the stuff in court, but the point of grey mail is generally to turn attention to other/bigger fish. Think the Noriega trial and the attempts to drag the CIA and former Reagan officials into the defense in Florida.
Libby's lawyers definitely have different agendas. Cline is the greymail specialist whose strategy depends on Libby's willingness to cast the spotlight on his superiors while Jeffress is the Jim Baker partner who wants to use Libby for a firewall to the higherups. I'm also hearing that Ted Wells -- who would most likely defend Libby in court -- is pushing Scooter to defend himself and not take one for the team.

Which also has extremely interesting implications for a weakened Cheney -- if Scooter does not believe that Cheney will have the influence to protect him in the end, will he start leaning toward the Cline/Wells strategy? Or are the purse strings of his defense fund -- held by the odious Barbara Comstock -- tied to the maintenance of the firewall?

Just another factor to think about as we all enjoy the specter of Cheney on the ropes. You know he's thinking about it.

(graphic by Joel)


This Week in Cheney -- Live By the Polls, Die By the Polls

Now that we've had a bit of a lull in the Cheney cycle (not that I believe for a minute that it is anything more than a lull -- this story is not over) it is perhaps appropriate to take stock of what exactly happened this week.

When the Lords of the BushCo. junta wake up each morning they care about one thing: their polls. Everything is seen through the lens of their polling numbers, and not because George Bush wants to be liked. When their polls are strong they can hold their ranks in line and push through their agendas. When their polls are weak it is much more likely that individual members of congress will either a) become more responsive to the needs of their constituents or b) decide that this rapid weakening of their own power is not a good thing.

When the polls are bad people start to break ranks. And now that the Hammer is seriously wounded, their ability to hold off investigations into scandals that could wound them in the fall elections is in jeopardy. When Dubya was jury tampering in his own softball interview with Brit Hume, he said of DeLay:
Well, I like him. When he's over there, we get our votes through the House. We had a remarkable success of legislative victories. A remarkable string of legislative victories.
Many people lamented this week that the "gossip" of the Cheney shooting eclipsed and obscured the more important matter of the Thursday vote by the Senate Intelligence Committee as to whether they would investigate the illegal NSA wiretaps. Several bloggers announced that the Cheney matter was merely inconsequential and quite beneath them; others argued that Cheney would undoubtedly survive and so covering the matter was useless. In doing so they really just announced their profound lack of insight into the way the administration operates.

Early in the week, while Whittington was in the hospital having his heart attack, Cheney was up on the hill trying to strongarm members of the Intelligence Committee into killing the investigation altogether, according to the Washington Post. And Pat Roberts certainly seemed to think he had the votes to do so, at least initially. Yet when the time came, Roberts tabled the vote -- an indication that Cheney had been unsuccessful and Roberts couldn't count on the Republicans on his committee to hang together and vote the way the Administration obviously wanted them to. It was a clear sign that Cheney was extremely weakened by what was going on and couldn't overcome whatever reluctance members of his own party had in the matter. This was something that we probably could not have accomplished if we'd shifted gears and written all the letters and faxes they could eat.

What do you do when openings like that arise? You hit them with everything you can lay your hands on, because you never know which stories are going to spread. I'm really proud that several of those that took root here in the comments -- Puppethead's comments about Cheney's canned hunts, and John Casper and rusty's discovery of the scrubbed MSNBC drinking references to name only two -- made their way into the much larger Cheney narrative that began to pervade scandal-addicted cable news. The savvy Arianna, who has been down this road a time or two, did likewise with her blog. The derision devoted by the wingnuts to these efforts only serves as a tribute to their effectiveness.

Opportunities don't necessarily arise in the tasteful and carefully framed manner you want them to. Instead you have to seize them when they come up, no matter what the shape, size and smell, especially if you're the minority party and your leadership is in disarray. The amount of damage done to BushCo. this week in the Cheney shooting remains to be seen in -- yes, you got it -- the polls. Hopefully there will be enough lasting damage to allow the wiretap hearings and other investigations to squeeze through in a way that wouldn't have been possible before BushCo. took such a direct hit; at the very least it may keep them distracted, much like Monicagate did Clinton, such that they can't get anything done and must devote all their energies to dealing with it.

When you've got people like Chuck Hagel saying...
"“If [Dick Cheney] had been in the military, he would have learned gun safety." know there's a lot of long-simmering resentment against Cheney that may be ready to come to the fore now and blossom. It certainly is a lovely thought.

Update: As Glenn Greenwald notes, the NYT is reporting that Pat Roberts is locking horns with BushCo. over the DeWine proposal to simply exempt the whole warrantless NSA program from the requirements of FISA. Hard to now what is motivating this, but noteworthy nonetheless.

(graphic by Dark Black)


Friday, February 17, 2006

Late Nite FDL: Dickfest Semifinals, Night 2

What an embarassment of riches we have for this the second night of semifinals in Dickfest, our poetry contest in honor of our fearless Veep who crawled out of his bunker and grimmaced for the cameras today. The contest is so popular it has even inspired imitators who could not constrain themselves to the four line limit, so abundant was their creative impulse.

Remember the winner will receive a copy of Bill Maher's latest book New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer and a poster signed by Mr. Maher himself. His series premeires tonight on HBO at 11pm.

Once again, please vote by the number at the bottom of the entry, and vote only once:
Two unsteady hunters sip, step the fields,
stopBlam! a cordite wind…. Says, “Hey, Jeez, watchit!
Don’t you be pullin’ a Cheney, on me now.” (101)

one lawyer, sans face
what to do...? maybe cheney
should have called The Wolf (102)

I think that we shall never see
A Veep who lies as much as Dick Cheney
Likely in a drunken stupor, he shot a friend in the chest
But his claim that it was from 30 yards fails the sportsman's common sense test (103)

Richard "Big Time" Cheney carries a heavy strap
Like Lee Harvey Oswald, he's bustin' caps
He takes fools out gat, scowl or shiv
The naked fuckin' face of the executive. (104)

News from Iraq hits the back burner
Investigations played down, not a big earner
The great state of Texas' proud flag we hail
R C the fuckin' Veep terrorizes quail. (105)

Fitzgerald on the march
Libby loose of tongue
Harry’s heart distraction (106)

"Stumbling from the ranch car into the brush,
Going after pen-raised quail, what a rush.
Then this old geezer jumped up out of no place
And startled my bird, so I shot him in the face." (107)

Down in Texas a Dick was shotgunning for quail.
Told that he couldn't shoot little birds dead
Without legal permit and risking jail,
He bagged his limit of lawyer instead. (108)

The only thing we have to fear is...
BLAM!!! (109)

Big Time Dick was on the prowl for a flock of feeble pen-raised fowl.
He swung his gun into the sun, and shot a geezer who went into a seizure.
They all stayed up late to get the story straight, about who drank what and when.
But it's all for naught, 'cause he's gonna get caught, and maybe do five to ten. (110)

Drunk Cheney locked & drunk Cheney loaded;
H. Whittington’s drooping white face exploded.
George flew the coop when the covey was flushed;
Dick, why? A Bush in your hand is worth two birds in the brush! (111)

Cheney's cell chirped, saying "no more birds, need a permit stamp."
Cheney says "Hell, twirps can't tell me what to do,
Got one more round left, only question is 'where to?'"
Takes a shot, another shot, another, back to camp. (112)

Dirty Dick
Didn't make Harry's day
When Harry met salvo
Down Texas way (113)

An accident it must have been,
And not a planned attack
Because Dick shot him in the face
Instead of in the back. (114)

one small step for man...
one giant...
BLAM!!! (115)

With bloodshot eyes and whiskey breath,
Cheney was on his game.
He shot poor Harry nearly to death.
Jack Daniels can shoot. He can't aim. (116)

Shot through the heart,
and you're to blame, Harry.
Don't give Dick
a bad name. (117)

Sip n' shoot, sip n' shoot, doesn't that feel nice?
Smoke over the meadow, bourbon over the ice.
Drunken death is Dick's delight; this is Cheney's show.
Dick can drink it straight -- but shoot straight? No. (118)

Swiss miss premature
ejaculation gun shot
Call Karl clean up (119)

Bird in grass
Reveals the hunter
And his lies. (120)

It's me on the hunt
Quail flushed;
my sneer turns to grin
Oh shit I shot my friend (121)

Birdie, birdie in the grass
Just take flight -I'll shoot your ass. (122)

Up you go, you sons of bitches.
BAM - shot one lawyer, collapsed in the ditches. (123)

here birdie birdie...
get up you sissy...
and don't bleed in my car (124)

"Yippiety do dah, dippity day
My oh my, what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
Dippity do - BAM, Harry hit the hay!" (125)

GEORGE! I finally got one. Heheheh. In the BUSH.
DANg - that ain't a QUAIL.
AL -Qaeda? Won't work - I only got him in the foot. Not ... enough ... GORE.
DICK. Heheheh. I'm Dick fucking CHENEY. (126)

pacemaker, perazzi, defibber,
went down to the ranch to play,
with quail a quiver, poor Harry will niver,
forget that fateful day (127)

face-time with pellet…
(my kingdom for a bird-stamp)
blood-- like picnic beer (128)

See Dick
See Dick Shoot
See Dick Shoot Harry
Don't Be Such A Dick! (129)

He's shot, nuff said - ain't like he's dead.
The law can wait til I'm good and straight,
and the press can wait even longer (130)

Let's not time the timing of the man who pulled the trigger
Not letting people know he'd bagged a lawyer not a quail –
Since bragging by the hunter is accepted, not de rigeur,
And modesty demands delay in telling this great tale. (131)

sound of gunshot rings
shots pepper innocent life
none could save the quail (132)

I pulled the trigger
So I guess it was me
So I’ll take the blame
In the absence of Libby (133)

Dick and Whittington
Sharing fun
"Run Harry run,
Dick’s got a gun!" (134)

Step out SUV
Take drink, raise gun, shoot lawyer
Quail, go f@ck yourself! (135)

...was yer cocktail
after the shot quail
a double Manhattan
“sorry bout where he got shot in” (136)

where there's smoke, there's fire,
where there's one beer, there's a liar (137)

Please be advised
That lawyers may appear
As quail in disguise (138)

how many birds must a bald man kill
before he thinks he's a man
how many Plames must this bald man name,
before Fitz shows him his shame (139)

I shot the shareholder,
but I did not shoot no diplomat (140)

Let us go then, you and I
Where the evening is stretched out against the sky
Like a 78-year-old man blasted in the face with a shot gun wielded by a drunk, arrogrant lying fool (141)

if the shooter is tight, then we must indict!!! (142)

Whose woods are these? I just don't care
I know that there are quail out there
My good friend Harry must think it weird
That I mistook him for a bird (143)

Step out SUV
Take drink, raise gun, shoot lawyer
Quail, go f@ck yourself! (144)

dick peppered poor harry with lead.
now all the media is fed,
with lie after lie and rovian spin,
alas,once more, let their game begin. (145)

Firearms training? I had other priorities
Like mixing myself three Long Island Iced Teas
Before spotting a wingless bird and giving chase
And then shooting my lawyer friend in the face (146)

Hunting for feathers of mass destruction can be frustrating
But you're my friend
I shoot you in the face with my shotgun for nothing (147)

roses are red
violets are blue
my friend's not dead
so fuck you! (148)

peppered with lead
like a rib-eyed steak
fingers crossed when I said
it was my mistake (149)

it was my mistake
i'm sure you will
admit beacause
i shoot to kill (150)

I have the discression
to reveal to you Plame;
but please do not tell me
how to hunt down my game. (151)

Big Time, Packin' Heat.
Big Heat.
Packin' Time. (152)

be it quail, or harry,
or soldiers, or citizens
dick, sit there and ponder
your multiple mega-sins (153)

Heart (154)

There once was a Dick with a gun
went to Texas on a quail run
but when on the hunt he acted the c***
and shot his best mate, just for fun.(155)

swiss miss
mixed with beer
and peppered with harry
is a rotten brew (156)

Oh, Big Time...
How could you?
You hurt the party,
By leaving witnesses. (157)

Let the angry seas surge beneath and pound,
rain-lashed men heaving a wave-stuck net.
Far ashore the coolies toil, weathered under the harpoon's heft,
a trophy for the vice captain's mantle. (158)

Some men fish in the sea,
Where 'Perfect Storms' imperil,
Others drink a beer or three,
And shoot fish in a barrel. (159)

holy crap! see!
you shot he!
now off thee
to corpus cristi. (160)

The lawyers first!, the wise old bard once said.
Just blast away into the face and head!
All real men know that that will do the trick.
So burped the manliest man, our latest Dick. (161)

killing gamebirds in the night
swilling drinks with froth and bite
who the hell would ever figger
soon all would be so,very,very,very bigger (162)

When William Clinton was the president
To get a blow job was a big disgrace.
But times have changed, now it's OK
To shoot a load in some old geezer's face! (163)

As the shotguns ring out
look to this lot;
for it's the heart of a nation
that has been fatally shot. (164)

There once was a man from Wyoming
Who took a pot shot into the gloaming
He winged an attorney, who took a slow journey
Cheney thought he was a pidgeon who was homing. (165)

Paying Taxes naught
We've bought
Idiotic (166)

Old man
Big balls
"But they're blue,
So I'll shoot you" (167)

Rich and old
No grandchild
Desperate, angry,
Poor and wild (168)

Trust us
We'll protect you
Bend over (169)

Get your news from TVs
Vote from your knees
We'll do
What we please (170)

“Bigshot Buckshot” on the spot:
Shooting birds, people, whatever you’ve got
Questions rise; he answers not
Is this a metaphor, or what? (171)

I was off in the bush with fair Pamela, When I turned old Harry to Spamela
We nearly got caught, Now Lynne is distraught
I hope no one brought their camera (172)

The shooting victim’s not to blame,
(His name is not dear Valerie Plame);
He came up behind me and gave a hoot
And I thought the bastard shouted “shoot.” (173)

In legal scandal firmly mired,
Cheney fired.
Approaching the body he was heard to curse,
"Eh. Could be worse." (174)

There once was a Veep named Dick Cheney;
He aimed at a bird's little heine.
He stumbled around, quite snockered but proud
to have bagged who he thought was Ma Rainey. (175)

democracy in its last throes
lining up crosses, row by row
hurling lies, like buckshot, at imagined foes,
this vice president has got to go (176)

With guns a blazin
the events of February 11
cannot compare
to his role in 9/11 (177)

with your gatling gun
and mary matalin run
to the fox news den
home of all your men (178)

The covey rose
as did Dick
His pellets aspray
ruined Harry's day (179)

While sipping on his pint of ale
Dick thought he’d like to shoot a bird
But he bagged Harry, not a quail
When his shot went off, premature (180)

The sheriff at last came a calling
But Dick was busy with his dinner
He dreamt that night of Harry falling
While his story spun into the spinner (181)

The story missed the morning paper
until word came from a lady rancher
this shot was no assault just pepper
y'all see its Harry's own fault, now can't you? (182)

here comes the bird flu
good news for you who
would like us all to
forget your boo-boo (183)

I’m not sorry, no I’m not sorry
I put that old man in his place
I’m not sorry, no I’m not sorry
I shot the country in the face. (184)

As the shotguns ring out
look to this lot;
for it's the heart of a nation
that has been fatally shot. (185)

On the front lines, defending the nation,
Protecting us all, from the quail invasion.
I fired off a shot, my duty, your Honor.
But old Harry forgot, to put on his armor. (186)

Many acres to hunt, but fewer
than one per dead Iraqi;
Many excuses needed, but newer
without a Libby-like lackey. (187)

Harry's face was bloody and raw.
He got a taste of shock and awe.
Faulty intelligence: the shot was clear.
Bin Laden the bird had nothing to fear.(188)

bunker blind dick shot
old man vexed
memo to Scooter:
you're next. (189)

Dick Cheney hunting
Drunkenly, he wheels around
Birdshot in the face (190)

A drunken shooter
Constitution in season
A drunken looter
All boozed up for treason. (191)

The Loaded Shotgun shoots; and, having shot,
Moves on: nor all thy silence nor spin shall lure it back to cancel half a Wound,
Nor all thy lies undo the crime of it. (192)

There once was a Dick with a sneer
Who liked to kill birds and drink beer
Though his aim was a shame, he deflected the blame:
"Go fuck yourself Harry, my dear" (193)

To "Duck"cheney we 're all quails.
Watch your back, face,neck and heart. (194)

Said Dick to the rest of the crew,
I like hunting these peasants, don't you?
And imagining the poor in his foyer,
he turned round and bagged him a lawyer. (195)

Richard Cheney went to Texas
To get away from dimwit,
Shot a rich guy in the face -
That's one more than the limit. (196)

As Cheney blasts lawyers
it's easy to tell;
that we fight for a Nation
gone blind as all hell. (197)

government privlege
our trust, honor, pride are gone
cheney owns the bank (198)

A Quail, A trail and some ice-cold ale
It's sunset and the air is freezin'
I flushed a covey, and as they flew above me
I bagged a lawyer, ooops, not in season! (199)

The sun was setting on the fields at a slow and saddened pace.
It shined its dying rays upon the man I shot in the face.
Did this involve some larger Godly message? I paused to think.
A metaphor for arrogance? Power and corruption? Naahh, let’s have a drink. (200)
And here's the nightly push for Ciro -- who, thanks to the efforts of everyone involved, has raised $136,000 through the internet. He started out with $43,000 to the DINO Cuellar's $292,000; we've given him a fighting chance (on this blog alone we've raised over $16,000 of that). Thanks to everyone. You can see his TV spot here, and as Kos notes, if you're thinking of giving more, now is a good time to do it -- money didn't pour into the Hackett campaign against Schmidt until the last minute and it was too late to make good use of it.

So if you'd like to express your appreciation for the progressive poets who have entertained you this evening, the tip jar is here.

Update: The WaPo blog is hopping once again. David E., Paul Lukasiak, Brad DeLong and others are swinging for the fences.

(graphic by Dark Black)


Melting the Ice

There was a lot of frustration this week about the fact that a full-court press wasn't made to influence the Senate Intelligence Committee into investigating the illegal NSA wiretaps. Aside from the fact that all the oxygen got sucked out of every other story when the Veep shot a 78 year-old good friend acquaintance in the face, there wasn't anything that could have prevented what actually happened with the vote yesterday.

As Glenn Greenwald says:
First, nobody ever thought that a just resolution of this scandal was dependent upon an investigation by the Senate Intelligence Committee, dominated, as it is, by the mewling, slavish and indescribably dishonest Pat Roberts. The notion that this scandal has come to an end all because Roberts blocked, for the moment, hearings that were to be held by that Committee is nonsensical. Thankfully, this scandal never depended upon the integrity of Pat Roberts, and hearings in front of that Committee were merely one of the many ways to compel a real investigation, but it was hardly the only or even primary way.

Moreover, the Committee did not vote against an investigation. Instead, Roberts merely invoked a procedural device as Chairman to prevent a vote, for now, from taking place. (Incidentally, what happened to the Republican mantra that procedural maneuvers ought not be used to block up-or-down votes? It seems that principle only applies to matters where they know they will prevail on the vote. Here, there were clearly Republican members of the Committee who did not want to go on record – and who may have been unwilling to go on record – voting to oppose an investigation. As a result, no vote was held).
Glenn goes on to provide some much needed context:
The reality is that the more the Administration fights to suppress investigations and conceal relevant facts, the more fuel is added to this fire. Every presidential scandal in history has been exacerbated by the cover-up component. Opponents of the Clinton Administration had some of their most compelling political P.R. victories when the Administration invoked precepts of "Executive privilege" in order to block interrogation and to avoid the disclosure of documents.

Rather than viewing each obstructionist step by the Administration as some sign of our inevitable defeat and doom, we ought to see it and use it as what it is -- a sign that, contrary to their bravado, the Administration is petrified of this scandal and is doing everything possible to prevent Americans -- through their Congress and the courts -- from discovering the truth.
The NSA scandal has been upon us for two months. Watergate took 2 1/2 years to come to a full boil. Abu Gonzales claims that he's not able to imagine what Comey and Ashcroft "add to the discussion," but clearly he can if they're claiming executive privilege. The White House is very, very frightened about what could be unearthed in this investigation, and that's a very good reason to keep digging -- no matter how long it takes.

(graphic by Dark Black)


Dick Cheney: Armed and Hammered

Come take a stroll through our new FDL Cafe Press Annex, "The Cheney Collection" -- designed by Dark Black. A few prêt-à-porter items the fashion conscious liberal barbarian will no doubt fail to wash.

Although the administration this morning went balls-to-the-wall today to kill the story about how the Vice President shot an old man in the face, it doesn't seem to be taking. Today on Hardball Matthews said: "George Bush was made to look like Fredo. He couldn't control his Vice President."

This is still in flux. Much fallout yet to come.

Junta loyalist Peg-a-loon sent up a trial balloon about ditching Cheney, and the controvery continues to grow. Holden has more about the gross errors made by Chief Wiggam and the Texas Park and Wildlife Service, and people are now trying to re-enact the official story -- with alarming lack of success. It appears Whittington was shot from between 15-18 feet, not the 90 Cheney claims. You can see the video here.

Most telling -- Whittington himself today thanked the media. Sounds like he may not have been so happy about being shot by a drunk, smeared by his buddies then dragged in front of a camera for a massive PR stunt three days after having a heart attack, does it?

The Sunday talk shows should be revealing, as should the next round of polling.

So fix yourself another highball, Big Time. You ain't out of the woods yet.

MSNBC wants to know what you think.


Washington Post Blog: Back On

Church Lady Brady says that the WaPo blog is back on. He says "Tough criticism is welcome; personal attacks on writers or other readers are not."

Really? That brings up a good point. When Brady had his long sit on the pity pot about mean liberal bloggers the other day, he climbed down long enough to devote some special time to tenderly rimming the Power Tools for their work on Dan Rather and the TANG story as an example of how valuable blogs could be (though the Tool Timers, in typical fashion, think Brady should've spent a bit more time down there, they really wanted him to work the crevices).

Over at Corrente, Xan made this comment:
Brady sez:
Bloggers have indisputably helped fan controversy over a CBS memo on a broadcast about President Bush's National Guard service.
Whereas he could have said "Bloggers, specifically Paul Lukaisiak, unpaid and distributed for free, covered the story we didn'’t, that George Bush failed to complete the National Guard service that he still lists on his resume. We, and the (handsomely) paid establishment media, never covered that story at all, instead allowing ourselves to be suckered by the great '“faked memos'” story, which we failed to investigate properly as well.

"Considering the no-stone-unturned, no-expense-spared, no holds barred coverage we gave to every cockamamie accusation against President Clinton, we could have done better, and we understand now why the disparity would lead some to suspect we are in the tank for Republicans. Sorry about that. Our bad."”

Instead he spends virtually all of Page 1 of a 2 page story complaining about being called bad names. Sorry, Jim, being as civil, gracious and (sound of grinding teeth) polite as I can possibly manage, that still qualifies as "“whiny" in my book.
Brady wonders why "these people" are "so angry." Could it possibly be because he is lying through is teeth? That tough criticism is anything but "welcome?"

One of the thing Brady still harps on in his piece is how Abramoff "directed" money to Democrats. One of the original commenters on the Maryland Moment blog made this point about WaPo reporter Derek Willis:
Willis wrote: "But contrary to what some commenters have said here, Abramoff did direct donations to Democratic candidates and committees. Our reporters have documents showing this to be the case, and I have asked that we post at least some of them so that readers can see for themselves."

That was two hours ago. Now, it takes me about ten minutes to scan a document, and upload it to my own website, and post a URL -- and that's because I'm not very good at all this "internets" stuff.

Willis claims that there are documents in which Jack Abramoff directs his clients to give to Democrats. One assumes that these include signed letters or memos from Abramoff to his clients, or emails directly from Abramoff to his clients --- and one assumes that if such documents actually existed, the Post would have written about them as part of what Deborah Howell described as Susan Schmidt's "explosive" investigative work on the Abramoff scandal.....

But to date, all the Post (and Willis) have ever come up with are these facts

1. Native Americans tribes give money to both parties

2. Some Native American tribes were represented by a firm that Abramoff worked for

3. Some of these tribes gave money to some Democrats -- but since Abramoff has been around, they aren't giving Democrats as much

So, Willis, where are your "documents"? Its been two hours plus -- ten times as long as it would take for you to scan and post the "Abramoff memo" you need to show us that you aren't lying through your teeth....

Posted by: paul lukasiak | Jan 17, 2006 10:31:19 AM | Permalink

well, its now three hours and counting since Willis claimed that "Abramoff did direct donations to Democratic candidates and committees. Our reporters have documents showing this to be the case" and also claimed that he was going to get those documents posted...

but instead of posting these "explosive" documents, the Post deletes Willis's claim....

Posted by: paul lukasiak | Jan 17, 2006 11:29:24 AM | Permalink
Notice the author -- yes, Paul Lukasiak.

There is nothing in either of these posts that falls outside the realm of "tough criticism" Brady claims to so bravely court. Yet these comments -- which are preserved in archives -- have never been restored to the blog and Brady continues to characterize them as brutal and obscene. I asked Brady about them in the WaPo online chat, I caught up with him at Jay Rosen's when he was commenting there and asked him, and he refuses to answer. He continues to use his pulpit to bash the liberal blogosphere like a big blubbering babyman but never answers this question, which effectively renders all his excuses hollow lies.

Remember the name -- Paul Lukasiak. He's done amazing work that deserves every accolade the Power Tools relentlessly insist on claiming for themselves. And I'll keep bringing up his name, and waving it in Brady's chickenshit face, until he answers what it is about Paul Lukasiak that sends him running for his mommie's skirts like a little girl -- could it be the fact that Paul continually shoots holes in their cheap, transparently partisan efforts to throw a robe over the naked emperor?

Brady wants to know why we use such coarse, hot language. Well, let's let him in on a really poorly kept secret. We use it consciously, because it's the only rhetoric that cuts through the mountains of bullshit people like him continue to rain down on us and everyone else who wants an honest answer out of government. If he can't stand it then he just better run home crying and get out of the fucking way, because it's not going to stop.

Oh it is now one month to the day since Deborah Howell published her original article saying Abramoff gave money to Democrats. She has still not posted a correction to this article.


What If It Were Bill?

From reader Harvey:
The parallels are endless, except in every case the things that got Clinton probed and vilified are comical compared to the far more numerous and serious things that this administration are allowed to skate free on.

Here's one: Clinton's discussion about Lewinsky with Betty Currie immediately following his deposition in the Jones case became grounds for impeachment (suborning perjury). Cheney's discussion with the non-eyewitness witness GOP lobbyist Armstrong about his having just shot a man in the face -- and Armstrong's subsequent telephone call with Karl Rove (the one where, as you said, Rove sat silently listening) -- well, that's just an attempt to be as accurate as possible before informing anyone, including the president, of what had happened.
MSNBC, the network that helpfully scrubbed any reference to Cheney's drinking, is now giving BushCo. unlimited time to drag an old man out of his hospital bed and prop him up as a PR stunt, let the Veep drone on at some hype-fest that is about as spontaneous as one of his canned hunts, and now Bush is doing his Anthony Robbins impression as he pimps for war. Meanwhile the MSNBC quote-unquote "reporters" are all quick to point out that the sheriff's report cleared Dick.


Update: Digby:
Teachable moments like this don't come along every day. Thankfully, we have a gooood man like Dick Cheney to show us how it's done. For instance, the next time somebody accidentally runs over a pedestrian and refuses to talk to police about it until the next day, we should remember that he was traumatized. After all, he witnessed someone get run over right before his eyes and it profoundly affected him. As long as there was no fellatio involved, he is as much a victim as the wounded person.


Thursday, February 16, 2006

Late Nite FDL: Dick Cheney, Armed & Hammered

Last night's Dickfest was such a success we're going to have to do this in a series of heats, we just can't put them all up at once and do them justice. Here are the first round of contestants and their poetic odes to our esteemed Veep. Please vote ONLY ONCE in the comments and only vote for one entry by number (listed at the bottom of each).

We'll have another round tomorrow night -- top three from each night will move into the finals. We boast some gifted poets in our midst, so enjoy:

errant brrr turned right
blaze of orange, sun, hillside,
bloody “Jeez, you fuck!” (1)

the veep was holding
the right flank of the line
noise….breathe… (2)

winter hunters move
women flank the wise master
he then shows them how (3)

caged birds cringe at dusk
waiting for the explosion
shouts, sirens, relief (4)

empty bottles bump
door slams as big man moves fast
empty shells fall hollow(5)

trigger snap sends peppering
two hearts snap as one briefly as sounds ring, fade
silencer now inserted (6)

heart, face, blood, ardor,
we bring the world here now
and the hunt evolves (7)

the veep was holding
the right flank of the line
noise….breathe… (9)

winter hunters move
women flank the wise master
he then shows them how (10)

caged birds cringe at dusk
waiting for the explosion
shouts, sirens, relief

empty bottles bump
door slams as big man moves fast
empty shells fall hollow

trigger snap sends peppering
two hearts snap as one briefly as sounds ring, fade
silencer now inserted

heart, face, blood, ardor,
we bring the world here now
and the hunt evolves

Whittington is red
My blood is blue
I'll do what I damn please....
Fuck you! (11)

Arrogant VP
Shot an old man in the heart
Only had one beer? (12)

Alas poor Dick,
I knew him well.
He sends young soldiers to die. With luck he'll rot in hell. (13)

I am Deadeye Dick
I am the real president
classified be damned (14)

My Time is Now
Don't Fuck With Me
I am Big DICK Cheney
or I'll Blow You Away (15)

Where quails are shaking/
The aspen are quaking (16)

Harry was my pal
Sure, I shot him in the face
It was Harry's fault (17)

Why pepper with birdshot
When the warm embrace of
A smothering pillow or an
Unplugged cord, will do? (18)

Why pepper with birdshot
When the warm embrace of
A smothering pillow or an
Unplugged cord, will do? (19)

We're in Texas now
I can drink and shoot a guy
Cops will never tell (20)

Richard B. Cheney
Doesn't hunt when it's rainy;
Eschewing dampened quarry,
He fires his shotgun into the chest of a 78-year old named Harry. (21)

Deadeye Dick's order is: "Ready, shoot, fire, aim."
Matalin says Harry's the name on which we must blame.
Bush thinks that shotgunning a grouse is like killing a spouse.
Roves' greatest assassination was Plame. (22)

The lovely landscape of Texas wealth,
The relaxed stalk of priveleged stealth,
Much time to quaff, no time to aim,
But eons to spin about who I maim (23)

Quail. Yes, quail
that bird that doesn't fly well.
Shoot.Yes, shoot
Damn, he hadn't been in the cell. (24)

I stalked my prey at a slow pace,
and I shot a 78-year-old-man in the face.

Everybody wants to blame me,
but I tell them, "Hey! I'm Dick Cheney!" (25)

SAT Analogy for the High Schoolers:

Salt : Injury :: Pepper : _______
Answer: Shooting a 78-year old man in the face (26)

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Dick Cheney shot a man in the face. (27)

Guns Don't Shoot 78-year old Men in the Face,
Dick Cheney does. (28)

What's your name?
I'm Dicky the clown.
Ask me again and
I'll shoot you down! (29)

Just One Beer
Ah, that's better
Everything's so clear
.... And that's a feather (30)

Coalition of the Shooting a 78-year Old Man in the Face (31)

Lesbian daughter
left us humiliated
shooting not as bad. (32)

Two hundred birdshot
lodged throughout an old lawyer
What's the chance they'll move?(33)

Dr. Pepper nose
didn't go with antelope
only booze would do.(34)

Swiss ambassador
engorged my dangly manparts
safety forgotten. (35)

Dick Cheney Determined to Attack in the U.S. (36)

Cheney shot
Then ran away
A Chickenhawk
He couldn't stay (37)

Deep in Texas scrub;
venal men play bloody games.
A great nation falls. (38)

Roses Are Red
Violets are Blue
Dick Cheney shoots old men
Instead of birds with the flu. (39)

Cheney's got a gun,
His whole world's come undone (40)

There was a big Dick from Wyoming
Who hunted for quail in the gloaming.
His last shot went wide and his friend almost died,
Which isn't considered quite sporting. (41)

Cheney's hunting misadventure
Nearly led to moidah
As it is, what we enjoy
Is merely shotgunfreude (42)

Ask not
what your country
can do for you...
BLAM!!! (43)

I'm a little veep-pot
this is my spout
go hunting with me
and I'll blow your brains out! (44)

Birdshot to the face
Our Veep shoots an acquaintance
Why is this not news? (45)

There once was a VP named Dick
Who was a notorious prick
But his friends let him carry
And down went old Harry (46)

Harry, Harry, Dignitary
Tell us your huntin' woes
'Bout farm-bred quails and frosty ales
And Dick's buckshot up your nose. (47)

He's always hiding, and not law-abiding,
but tricky Dick is in it pretty thick.
He peppered his friend and wants to pretend,
that he thought him a quail, but to no avail. (48)

Dick Cheney was loaded for bear,
But only his buddy was there;
A blast to the face, a potential disgrace--
But FoxNews is both balanced and fair. (49)

The Veep peppered Old Whittington, cried Alice,
After sloshing his beer from a chalice,
They found the lawyers Angina in South Carolina,
And part of his anus in Dallas. (50)

hume says veep
was just responding
to quail-hunting program
related activities (51)

I’m Dick Cheney
See me sneer
I’ve got a gun
Now toss me that beer (52)

the vice commander was not
loaded, half-cocked and shot.
the quail had a clue
too bad that Harry did not. (53)

Cheney was back from a weekend hunt,
Having committed a crime.
Bush asked, "Dick, did you hit anything?"
Cheney replied, "Yup. Big Tme." (54)

February is the cruelest hunt,
Freeping Pamela out of the wed hand,
Mixing Cheney and beer’d fire,
Blurring old coots with wing’d game. (55)

Venal Dick Cheney, didn't abstain -- he
Got paranoid, pissed off and drunk.
When the war was less fun, he pulled out his gun,
And shot an old man like a skunk. (56)

He cradled his power as he lurched to the brush,
his ailing heart pounding, blood and alcohol arush.
Then an instant of motion, an explosion, no words....
and the quail laugh last at the King of all Turds. (57)

Some Lone Star brew and a Scotch or two in the glow of the dying sun . . .
Showing my girl I’m a man of the world with my fast Italian gun . . .
With a wet kiss from my Swiss Miss, and her hands upon my tush . . .
Then I shot some guy. But I'll tell you why -- all I saw was Bush. (58)

don't ask.
don't tell.
harry's shot?
oh, well. (59)

dick shot harry in the heart
does that make him cupid?
four days to get his story straight
no, it makes him stupid. (60)

Shall I compare thee to a flushing quail?
Thou art more orange and sport not a feather on thy head
Yet my drunken wits are rarely known to fail
So stand ye still, and I shall try to shoot thee dead. (61)

Harry Whittington, what a great guy
That's what his friends all say
But Deadeye Cheney sorta went crazy
And blew poor old Harry away (62)

February is the cruelest hunt,
Freeping P.P. Willeford out of the wed hand,
Mixing Cheney and beer’d fire,
Blurring old coots with wing’d game. (63)

Harry's shot, not sprayed or peppered
Dick's thought: "I'll have one shaken,
Not stirred." (64)

There once was a lass named Pam Willeford
Whose affections to Lynne's I prefer
But I went off half cocked, some old coot got rocked
And instead of tapping ass I shot a barrister (65)

Cheney shot him in the face
And FOX insists it's no disgrace (66)

With or without a gun in his hand,
The Veep is the most dangerous man in this land.
But the world wonders what the hell he is thinking,
When he shoots birds and old lawyers while drinking." (67)

Dead-Eye Dick is his name
He shot a lawyer in the face
Ruining America's image is his game
Cause this isn't even his 2nd biggest disgrace (68)

Cheney shot an austin lawyer with a 28 gauge
Now his street cred is through the roof
Then he surprised and admitted to shooting Tupac
Even though there was no proof (69)

Cheney shot an austin lawyer with a 28 gauge
Now his street cred is through the roof
Then he surprised and admitted to shooting Tupac
Even though there was no proof (70)

Vice was gunning for young quail
but he just peppered an old bird (71)

In the bursh, Dick tossed his tenth emptied can,
Then on the trigger, a finger wet with condensation on his hand,
Wheel'd round and "Blammo!" Harry's face full of ammo,
He'd be in jail right now, if he was poor and mexican. (72)

I'm commander in chief
and Harry is a thief
Stealing my kill
Sent me over the hill (73)

Two old boys in the settin sun
one said "Dick"
and the other went "Bam" (74)

Nope. (75)

When Jane and Redd challenged the doggies
To find poesy 'mongst horrors most lame,
The FDL bards outdid all of the bloggies
And howled through the night, but where's Plame? (76)

Na Na Na Na Naaa
We get away with murder
NaNa Na Na Naaa (77)

There once was a veep named Cheney, whose breaking of laws were many
when hunting some quail
his judgement did fail
but his aim was still quite uncanny (78)

see dick.
see dick shoot.
see america going to hell in a handbasket.
they don't call him dick for nuttin.(79)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Blam! (80)

Two hundred BB's
split second karma soft flesh
a tower crumbles (81)

If he had a snort, the cops must report. (82)

The sun was low
The ground was red
The spin exploded
The facts all fled (83)

Now this is a short hunting tale
of Dick and the mighty quail.
Halfcocked but he could not fail
to safe face; there, beyond the pale. (84)

If Dick had a beer, the shooting was queer (88)

I've got Billy Idol's lip in reverse,
My gay daughter is kind of a curse,
So come hunting with me, there's a spot now that's free,
The last one went home in a hearse. (89)

Liquored up real good
Blasting birdies to pieces
Harry made me miss (90)

You taught me how to hunt, and so I mentored my son.
You saw God in the hunt but never convinced me.
You said “Texans respect the hunt, son, they do.”
You felt weird about all that near the end, though. (91)

So stalks the stealthy hunter in the field.
Tip-toed, quietly he marks his prey
and fires but the consequence is dire -
a bloodied lawyer lies in place of Quaile. (92)

Dirty Dick
Didn't make Harry's day
When Harry met salvo
Down Texas way (94)

The truth could not be blunter
Blame the victim, not the hunter
Drink, then shoot a friend in the face
Darth Cheney you're a national disgrace (95)

Satan wears a bracelet What Would Cheny Do (96)

Now this is a short hunting tale
of Dick and the mighty quail.
Halfcocked but he could not fail
to save face; there, beyond the pale. (97)

Four score and seven beers ago...
BLAM!!! (98)

Conscripted victims
Parade their blood before me,
A numb heart devoid (99)

OK, you say you're calm, just don't pull a Cheney... (100)

In Ciro news, Cuellar sure loves him some Bush. And MoveOn jumped in to support Ciro, he's certainly gaining momentum. You can contribute to the boot the DINOS from the Democratic Party movement here

(graphic by Dark Black)


Stop The Presses, We've Found Rush Limbaugh's Doctor

Dr. Kirk James Murphy, from the comments:

Hi folks -

This stinks to high heaven - even in Texas.

Q: What variable determines survival after severe gunshot wounds to the head, neck, and torso?

A: How long it takes the trauma victim to receive trauma center care (or the equivalent).

The White House docs, of all people, know this. So does the Secret Service - when Reagan was shot in D.C., there were published reports of the SS cleaning out the civvies waiting in ER at gunpoint. They knew how to cut down on the wait - and they knew why.

I have every reason to believe the White House docs in Cheney's traveling ICU have excellent trauma medicine skills.

So I have all the more reason to ask what they were thinking of when they decided that the 78 year old victim of severe gunshot wounds needed the slow ambulance ride to the local non-trauma hospital - rather than the fast chopper ride to the trauma center?

If the White House docs and the Secret Service can't collectively figure out that trauma victims' chance of survival declines with each minute of delay in securing care, why are they being paid to protect assassination targets? Who hired these guys?
At the smaller hospital there would be fewer prying eyes- and it's possible some of em knew a doc there who could be counted on. Once they went to the big hospital- the chances of keeping it covered up evaporated.
Dr. Murphy again:
The same White House docs who turned down the helicopter medevac to the trauma center in order to send their elderly trauma victim by vehicle to the non-trauma hospital -

Those folks?

Earlier in the week Whittington's hospital said they were involved in his care when he developed cardiac complications.

Then Whittington's hospital changed the story to say they needed to consult with the doctors who had first treated the patient, hence the need to involve the White House docs in the care of the victim their boss shot some days before.

The chronology in the Corpus Cristi Times establishes:

The ambulance arrived at the Kingsville hospital between 6:45 and 6:50 p.m., Christus Spohn spokeswoman Yvonne Wheeler said.

HALO-Flight was called again at 7:07 p.m. after Spohn Kleberg medical personnel decided Whittington needed more advanced treatment.

OK - Whittington rolls in the non-trauma center's ER at Kingsberg and within seventeen to twenty-two minutes later the ER is calling the medivac flight - the same service the Secret Service first notified at around 6 PM. The ambulance left Kingsberg at 7:19 PM and arrived at [Memorial] fifty minutes later. the same docs who were with the victim from 5:30 (or 5:50 - choose your eyewitness account) could have summoned the air ambulance at any time thereafter.

Yet it was the docs in Kingsberg who reached the astonishing conclusion that this 78 year-old victim of severe gunshot wounds required air transport to a trauma center - a conclusion which escaped the medical team caring for the patient over the preceding sixty to ninety minutes.

So we are asked to believe that when Mr Whittington's condition worsened, the docs at the trauma center required consultation with the same team who never figured out their patient required the trauma center...until they got to a hospital and some other doctor told them?

And here's the kicker, found by CityGirl. Who's taking care of Whittington now?
Recently, the Iowa Board of Medical Examiners took the following action:

David E. Blanchard, D.O., a 49 year-old physician currently practicing in Victoria, Texas was charged by the Board with inappropriately prescribing excessive controlled substances to numerous patients. A hearing in this matter is set for September 13, 2000.
If that were my father I'd get him the hell away from these people. Post haste. They obviously have the same talent for healthcare that they do for international relations.

(thanks to pollyusa for the link to the Corpus Christi Caller-Times)


Firedoglake: CSI

Mickey Kaus sent me a link and let me know he has now dubbed us "Firedoglake: CSI." Which I must say I'm quite proud of. So I don't want to let Mickey down.

An overabundance of Chief Wiggams in Kenedy County have now bungled the investigation and stalled it until everyone got a chance to get their stories straight, but fortunately these people are so accustomed to lying without challenge they don't do it very well.

Reader TE sent me the following email, which I find quite interesting:
Don't know if any of your other readers noticed this but the Sheriff included the approximate GPS coordinates of where he was told the shooting took place according to the group (N26 56.352 W97 50.42). I plugged those into Google Earth and it comes up in South Texas rural area. I was only able to zoom into and measure from what looks like the only road near the incident. In every measurement I took the road is from 450 to 550 feet from where the incident happened. According to the report the women were in the car on this road and were pretty far away. In the report Cheney also notes that Whittington was at a lower elevation than him, and that's why he got hit in the face. From the GPS coordinates given I did a 100ft circle around that to see the changes in elevation and they are less than 1 Foot. Maybe some of your other readers can get better access to or have more experience with satellite data. Someone could also do a flyover of the exact coordinates given if they have time.
The picture above is from Google Earth. Cheney has said over and over that Armstrong was an "eye witness." But wouldn't the account of Pamela Willford, who was ostensibly standing right next to Cheney at the time, be much more reliable? Where is she now? And what about her husband? Is he shaping up to be the Andrew Parker Bowles in all of this?


Who's Playing Doctor?

Among the entirely unsatisfactory explanations offered up by Team Cheney after the boozed up Vice President shot an old man in the face then lied about it and blamed the victim, none is quite as wild as the discredited "migrating pellet" theory that got shot down relatively soon afterwards.

I've been trying to figure out the genesis of this story -- Dr. David Blanchard seems to have implied that this happened when he spoke to the press, and it was further amplified by hospital spokesperson Michele Mora-Trevino. RJ Eskow has already noted that Blanchard is a right-wing evangelical Christian who has been downplaying Whittington's injuries from the get, and the New York Times today brings up the fact that a simple x-ray would have immediately told doctors that the pellets were not, in fact, "peppered" just under the skin. The story strongly insinuates that Blanchard's accounts have been extremely misleading.

Nobody has adequately addressed the question of why Whittington got shunted to this particular hospital, and as Sidney Blumenthal's article today notes, the "Texas aristocracy" roots are quite deep in this story as well as its coverup. Which is why my radar is going off about the no comment Whittington's doctors offered about his blood alcohol content.

This smacks to me of the Goober Graham technique. Throw some red meat out there, get everyone swarming all over it as if it will prove something about Cheney (it won't). Then when everyone is good and overheated, somebody reveals that -- ta da! -- Whittington's bloodstream didn't have any alcohol. No surprise, a responsible hunter wouldn't drink and hunt. But a serious boozehound would, and one that didn't want to draw criticism down on himself for doing so would do it in private (Armstrong said she didn't see him drinking at lunch -- a telltale sign of a closet alcoholic).

Ole 60 Grit O'Beirne was on Hardball getting chewed up over her ludicrous defense of Dick and how he didn't contact the press until the next morning because he was caring for the old man. Dick wasn't at the hospital, he was back at the house fixing himself a highball IN FRONT OF EVERYONE so that if and when word got out and the police grew uncooperative, he'd have adequate reason for the alcohol in his bloodstream.

That's another alcoholic's trick.

I'd love to know what Whittington's blood alcohol level is, don't get me wrong, but if it was "0" it doesn't prove shit about Cheney. The fact that it got tossed out there by a doctor who has only been too willing to let Dick's medical staff make decisions for his patient and say overtly misleading things about Whittington's condition makes leaves me feeling quite suspicious about this one.

(graphic by Dark Black)


Help Wanted: DC Plameologists

An AP article on Monday contained a reference to a recently released Plame document:
Five government agencies are reviewing classified evidence that I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby may want to use at his trial to fight perjury and obstruction-of-justice charges, according to a court transcript made public Monday.

During a Feb. 3 hearing, Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald told a federal judge that the review of classified materials is being done by the CIA, National Security Council, National Security Agency, State Department and several components within the White House, including the offices of the president and vice president.


The case against Libby is on two tracks _ one public, one secret. U.S. District Judge Reggie B. Walton and lawyers for both sides went into a secret session after a public hearing Feb. 3 to discuss classified evidence that could play a role in the case.

The 11-page transcript released Monday showed that the judge and lawyers didn't discuss anything in the secret session worth keeping from the public.
I've made a lot of calls but nobody seems to have it. Tom MaGuire's at home battling the flu but he checked PACER and found that they are holding this one close to the vest -- they are not putting it online, though it is available for public inspection at the clerks office in the courthouse, 9-4, Mon-Fri.

If anybody has seen a copy floating around, or is willing to go down to the courthouse and get it, please let me know and I will make sure a PDF gets put online. On behalf of me & Redd, Jeralyn, Tom M., emptywheel, Swopa and everyone else who cover the topic we would all love to know if there's anything of value here.



name: Pamela Willeford
race: white (duh...)
age: 50ish
sex: f (duh...)
occupation: US Ambassadress to Switzerland
last seen: Sat. 2/11/06, on a ranch in Texas, in the company of the V-POTUS
details: Ms. Willeford is missing after an incident involving firearms and alcohol. SHE MAY BE IN GRAVE DANGER. Please report any information immediately to the authorities.

(thanks two beers)

Emptywheel has more on the holes in the extremely suspicious stories of those who may in fact be involved in her disappearance.

And MSNBC would like to know how much you care.

A coincidence that we haven't heard anything from the uncharacteristically silent Lynne Cheney? I think not!!!

Update: CBS News: "Cheney is in a "state of meltdown" over shooting his friend and the political fallout it has caused, a source close to the Cheney has told CBS News."


Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Late Nite FDL: Dickfest

Due to the spontaneous uprising of poetry in the comments section inspired by the sterling character of the country's Vice President who, while half in the bag, shot an old man in the face and then blamed him for it, we are having a contest: Dickfest.

The winner will receive a copy of Bill Maher's latest book New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observerand a poster signed by Mr. Maher himself, whose series will premeire on HBO on Friday, February 17 at 11pm. (We will also be sending the poesy of the Dickfest finalists to Mr. Maher.)

Entries must be four lines or less; in addition to encouraging Roger Ailes-ian pithiness it also ensures that I will not spend the next two days cutting and pasting. We also reserve the right to put the final entries on a t-shirt if we can actually get our act together to do so and sell them in the FDL store.

The only entries that will be considered are those left in the comments section of this post, no emails please. We will have a runoff tomorrow night and a race between the finalists on Friday night, the news cycle permitting. And many thanks to Crooks & Liars who arranged for the lovely prizes.

In other news, we have now raised almost $16,000 for Ciro Rodriguez. Which is a damn good thing because his DINO opponent Henry Cuellar has called on Congress to give $100 million to the gun toting racist vigilante Minutemen.

Thanks to the blogs, the labor unions and DFA lining up behind him Rodriguez has a real chance to beat this monster back into the unemployment line. Isn't it better to give a few dollars now to Ciro rather than $100 million later to the Minutemen?

(graphic by Graham G.)


Hey Wingnuts -- Put Up Or Shut Up

Listening to four conservatives on Hardball tonight discuss -- well anything, really -- was quite the spectacle. I guess the "equal time" mantra only seems to enter the media equation when defending the right to insert baldface GOP lies into their narratives.

So Peter Daou issues a challenge to the wingier residents of Greater Blogistan to back up their latest claim -- articulated by both Tony Blankley and Ole 60 Grit O'Beirne -- that the only reason the story about Cheney drunkenly shooting an old man in the face persists is because of some sort of liberal media vendetta.

Peter takes on the task of proving that the major media outlets are regularly quite obedient to breezily repeating GOP talking points, and what else would you expect when they are being lobbied to the tune of $1.6 billion. Peter argues quite persuasively that what these people are really arguing for here is "a servile, state-run press. Which, ironically, seems to be where we're heading."

As a side note, I'd also like to point out that when Dick Cheney refused to answer Brit Hume's question today about whether he ordered Scooter to leak the classified NIE and Dick demurred on the grounds that he may be called as a witness he was, as usual, full of shit. Scooter is charged with lying to the FBI and the grand jury, not with leaking the NIE. There is no reason Dick can't talk about that and a real journalist should have challenged him on that point.

(Update: David E. does an excellent job of reconstructing the he said/she said of the Hume dickfest.)

I was on Sean-Paul Kelly's radio show in San Antonio and we discussed how Dick capped his good friend acquaintance. You can listen to the clip here

And RJ Eskow is going to be on MSNBC with the bow tie tonight. Tuckie, along with the rest of the wingnut punditocracy, is now trying to pass himself off as an expert hunter.

Yeah and I'm the Duchess of Kent.

(graphic by Dark Black)


Where There's Smoke, There's Fire, Where There's One Beer, There's a Liar

Alan Dershowitz:
Why would a media-savvy and clever man like Dick Cheney delay notifying the press and the police about an accident when a) he knew it would eventually be covered by the press and b) he knew he would be criticized for delaying release of the story?

A simple cost/benefit analysis suggests that he (or those advising him) must have believed that there was more to be gained than lost by a 14 hour delay that would eventually be made public. It is likely, therefore, that something happened during that 14 hour period which was worth the negative costs of the delay.

What is the most likely thing to happen during a 14 hour delay that is worth the negative publicity? One possibility is that it takes approximately that period of time for alcohol to dissipate in the body and no longer be subject to accurate testing. It is fairly common for people involved in alcohol-related accidents to delay reporting them until the alcohol has left the body. There is no hard evidence that this is what happened here, but we are entitled to a better explanation. We should be told whether Vice President Cheney's victim had alcohol in his system when he was taken to the hospital. Was there any alcohol at or near the hunting area? Were any in the hunting party carrying flasks (which is apparently common among hunters)? What was Cheney doing just before he went hunting? Did anyone in the hunting party have a drink? We do know that Cheney had two drunk driving convictions when he was in his early 20s, but he has apparently been clean since then.


The burden of proof has now shifted to the Vice President to explain why he made this stupid, or very clever, decision. We're waiting for his explanation.
It will be quite telling when the next poll numbers are released. Bush was already at 39 when the whole thing happened; if Bush continues to tank it could have a significant impact on the Veep's future employment prospects.

(poem title by Punaise, graphic by John L.)


If The Shooter Was Tight, You Must Indict

Digby pulls up a CNN interview with the rapidly spinning Katharine Armstrong who earlier said that Cheney was not drinking that day but now says he came back after the shooting and fixed himself a cocktail. And despite the fact that she's maintained Dick did not drink beforehand, he now says he had "a beer" at lunch.

Boozehound Cheney was drinking all day. He went hunting without a license and shot an old man in the face. Wouldn't talk to Johnny Law until he sobered up. Got the sheriff and the Texas Parks and Wildlife folks to cover for him, hid from the public for four days then finally ran to the warm embrace of Fox News. Even Jack Cafferty says that's kinda like Bonnie interviewing Clyde.

Wonder what the NRA will do about it?

From the NRA website:
Never use alcohol or over-the-counter, prescription or other drugs before or while shooting.

Alcohol, as well as any other substance likely to impair normal mental or physical bodily functions, must not be used before or while handling or shooting guns.
If I was an NRA member I think I'd want to know what they think about this.

As John K. noted, if Cheney had lunch from 12-1, say, and then went back out to hunt at 3, that's closer to 2 or 3 hours than 4 or 5.

That's shaping up to be one hell of an inaccurate incident report. Under "alcohol or drugs involved" it says "no" rather than "unknown."

Is Chief Wiggum running the sheriff's department in Kenedy County?


Kick Up A Stink, Get Some Answers

Big whopping kudos to readers who spotted the MSNBC scrub of Katharine Armstrong's "beer" comments yesterday, and also to everyone who contacted MSNBC about it. I have no doubt that the only reason Dick admitted to drinking a beer before shooting an old man in the face came because of that particular dust-up; he's not one particularly given to candor.

And while MSNBC is not explaining why they pulled the quote, it is now restored in a somewhat altered fashion:
At a news conference Wednesday outside Whittington'’s hospital in Corpus Christi, reporters asked hospital officials whether Whittington'’s blood-alcohol level had been tested. The officials responded with a "no comment."

In a recorded, on-the-record phone call with NBC News, Armstrong said that beer may have been available at lunch that day. "If someone wants to help themselves to a beer," she said, "they may, but I did not see anyone do that," Armstrong says. She says she was not sure if there were beers in the coolers but wasn't ready to rule it out: "There may be a beer or two in there, but remember not everyone in the party was shooting," she told NBC News.

Armstrong added that she did not believe that Cheney or anyone else shooting in the hunting party had alcohol on Saturday before the hunting accident.

NBC News called the vice president's office for comment four times Tuesday and Wednesday and asked whether the vice president or anyone in the hunting party had consumed any alcohol on Saturday prior to the accident. In an e-mail statement Wednesday to NBC News, the vice president'’s press secretary referred NBC News to the Kenedy County Sheriff's Department report on the incident. Later in the day on Fox News, Brit Hume stated that Cheney told him during a taped interview that he had had "a beer at lunch" before the hunting incident.
So not only was Dick drinking before shooting, he tried to mislead MSNBC about it, showing the same commitment to truth he does every time he pays homage to Father Tim and re-asserts the connection between Osama Bin Laden and Sadaam Hussein.

For those of you with medical backgrounds, here is a medical site supplied by Glenn Greenwald which speculates about the medications a man of Dick's age is likely to be taking after four heart attacks. Any of this conflict with alchohol?

(graphic by Anna G.)